Two Phrases Our Donor Egg IVF Doctor Said Profoundly Changed My Life (Stage 3 Diary Series)

Unknown Speaker (0:05): The doctor didn't just give me a verdict on my eggs. He said a simple two part sentence that completely changed the trajectory of our lives, at least. It was a total double edged sword. Two distinct phrases, and each one felt like this, I don't know, heavy weight landing right on my heart. He said, I will have the donor egg nurses send you more information on it, and you can contact us if you wish to proceed.

Mom-On-A-Mission (0:36): Now, you have to understand the headspace I was in. I was in total shock. My brain was screaming, I'm done. Let me off this ride. But our doctor was really quite smart.

Mom-On-A-Mission (0:46): He didn't ask us if we wanted the information. He didn't give me a choice to decline. He just stated, matter of factly, that he was sending it. And of course, I was way too numb to say, no thanks. And honestly, would I have, considering knowing deep down that my husband still wanted a family?

Mom-On-A-Mission (1:06): By taking the choice out of my hands, the doctor kind of inadvertently forced me to look at the information I probably would never have requested on my own. Suddenly, I was panicking. It felt like someone had, like, I don't know, picked me up and shook me and placed me right at the very beginning of that stupid emotional fertility roller coaster. But then, I do remember the other edge of the sword kind of coming up. I was curious, Not just about the process, but really more about the cost.

Mom-On-A-Mission (1:39): I sat there thinking, how much could it actually be? Surely it can't cost more than a standard IVF cycle. Because we all know standard IVF cycles are expensive. Because how could anybody, an average person, afford that after failed IVF? Like, seriously.

Mom-On-A-Mission (1:59): Like, have some mercy. So then, this dark little thought crept into my mind. And, yes, I felt ashamed. I thought, maybe the price tag will be my out. I actually thought a number would finally set me free.

Mom-On-A-Mission (2:15): I was looking for that excuse to give up because I was just so tired. But boy, was I wrong because the doctor had said those words. If you decide to proceed. It was now, in my mind, officially an option. He had made it a real tangible road to possibly meeting our child.

Mom-On-A-Mission (2:37): I just wanted to scream, but I just sat there. Once the line went dead, the silence in the room was louder than anything the doctor just said. I mean, what do you say after a call like that? After we hung up, my husband and I didn't really discuss anything. And we discuss everything, people.

Mom-On-A-Mission (2:55): But we just knew. We just let the silence sit there for days on this. The reality didn't truly come up until I got an email notification. New documents uploaded to your patient portal. Now, you have to understand, I had sworn to myself that I would never, never visit the portal again.

Mom-On-A-Mission (3:17): Like, sworn off fertility clinic. That's it. Done. I've had enough. But I'm a chronic email checker, so of course, I saw this email.

Mom-On-A-Mission (3:26): So now, I knew this email was just sitting there, stalking me like this predator waiting in the dark. Finally, I cracked. I logged in one, I think, late Tuesday afternoon, and I clicked open the files. One of them was a basic process overview, and it was pretty basic. Like, I mean, pretty darn doable, but, like, point form basic.

Mom-On-A-Mission (3:54): So, that was interesting. The other was the kind of, like, financial breakdown and egg bank list. So, for my particular clinic, they had about four different egg banks they partnered with. And the egg bank at the top, which was the one we had gone with later after lots of research, had a program highlighted in bold, which said guaranteed live birth program. 55,000 USD.

Mom-On-A-Mission (4:27): $55,000. Like, holy crap. But even though that was like shocking, the word guaranteed live birth kind of intrigued me. I mean, my brain immediately went to, hold on. Hold on.

Mom-On-A-Mission (4:49): So you're saying, if we pay this and it fails after and it read, I think it was six tries, we get all of our money back? And spoiler alert, there's so much more to that particular program. But anyways, in the moment, it didn't really matter, because 55,000 was completely out of our league after spending thousands and thousands on failed IVF over the last or fertility treatments over the last decade. I mean, it was enough. I remember slowly closing my laptop, putting my head in my hands, and I just I just cried.

Mom-On-A-Mission (5:29): I was just I was just I've never been such a crier. I mean, honestly, you can take a completely practical woman and reduce her down to an emotional ugh, with fertility. So I don't know if I'm the only one there, because I'm really quite a practical, calm, you know, person. But, boy, fertility does a number on you. Anyways, later that evening, my husband did come home from work, and I remember he kinda looked at me, and he was like, uh-oh.

Mom-On-A-Mission (6:05): Because obviously, I'm sure my eyes were swollen. And I looked up and I kind of whispered, I opened that donary stuff today. And I remember him looking at me and all he said was like, oh? Like, just like that. Like, oh?

Mom-On-A-Mission (6:21): And I was like, really? And then I just completely lost it. I started saying, it's $55,000. Like, I just went off. I was like, there's no way we can afford $55,000, and blah blah blah blah blah.

Mom-On-A-Mission (6:35): And just all this stuff. I guess I picked out all the worst stuff for it. And do you know what his response to me was? Anyways, before I tell you that, let's just jump out of the past and into the present. Today, I am officially fourteen weeks pregnant.

Mom-On-A-Mission (6:54): I cannot believe we are finally here. So, officially second trimester, I think. I'm still dealing with intense nausea and, like, I don't know. It's like the belly is stretched so tight because of indigestion that I just am so uncomfortable that I just try to go to sleep. So that because the biggest problem I'm having is digestion right now.

Mom-On-A-Mission (7:21): But I'm learning to roll with it. It's you know, hopefully it'll get better before it gets worse. Anyways, the biggest news, my belly is actually officially visible now. It has that unmistakable round shape, and I wasn't expecting that for a while. But when I walk around, I notice other women kinda looking at my belly, giving me this kinda knowingly smile.

Unknown Speaker (7:47): I don't know. I don't know what it is. It feels like this shared code, like, oh, I went through that too. Good luck, you know? But it's not in a mean way.

Mom-On-A-Mission (7:56): It's in a, you know, good luck. And I have to say, after years, the kind of feeling like I'm standing on the outside, looking in, it's really interesting to kind of feel that kind of, I don't know, acknowledgment. I don't know. Anyways, so if you're sitting on your couch today and you're, you know, in this process of considering donor eggs, or in it, you know. I hope something I say helps.

Mom-On-A-Mission (8:29): And if it doesn't, I'm sorry. Anyways, just hold on, you know, it is a roller coaster, but it does get better. There's bad days and good days, just like in life. And you'll obviously make the best decision for your family. I'll see you in the next episode to tell you exactly what amazing thing my husband said.

Mom-On-A-Mission (8:51): And even though he said it, he barely said it. And it was only after two and a half years later that he told me what he actually thought and what his plan was. It was pretty intriguing. Anyways, you've got this, and see you in the next episode.